Not a happy ending
by metallicanirvana
Summary: This story is suppose to be funny and intelligent, it ended up being stupid and unfunny. Not everything goes according to plan, my advice is don't read this.
1. Bart: She is so hot my slinky goes dong

A/N: I know I said I will take a break from this site, but I decided to put this one up, I was briefly working on it last night. Hackrcam mentioned that I was funny sometimes so I decided to write this up. If you want a proper comedy story thing, don't read this, read one of Hackrcam's stories :P

Bart

"Why you got a headless puppy boy?" My father is touching himself while watching the cooking channel.

"Well everyone thinks three legged dogs are cute so I thought a headless puppy would be just as cute."

"Can't argue with that," Dads are weird, I can see why my dad threw his dad into a rest home. I walk my new dog, Satan's little helper. I couldn't think of a good name for a headless dog.

"Hey Milhouse, what do you want?" My nerdish friend walks into the room.

"Nothing man, want to get stoned off lemons?"

"Sure, but I'm out, lets go buy some," Me and my best friend to the store where they sell lemons, any store has them really. When buying the lemons I see a beautiful girl I didn't think I would see ever again.

"Alex?"

"Oh hey Bart, how you been? I missed you."

"Hey Bitch, want a fuck?" She stares at me expressionless before slaps me. It always worked with chicks I picked up before. She flicks her blonde hair and makes for the exit.

"Wait, Alex, I'm sorry," She walks out of the shop with a look of disgust. I have to chase her, she is my only love, I only realised that 5 minutes ago but still.

"I'm sorry Alex," I start grabbing her hand before she can get inside her car.

"Bart, I was really happy to see you again but you still haven't grown up,"

"Oh yes I have, my dick at least a good 3 inchs," She gets inside her car and drives off. It's hard being a 19 yr old with a 3 inch penis, but automatically girls get interested. They want to see if they can make it bigger, if it's possibly to fit inside there nose and all kinds of weird things. In fact I fucked a girl in the ear once.

"What did she say?" Milhouse slowly makes his way towards me with the lemons we need to get stoned.

"Well she ran off,"

"Well if it makes you feel better I and you can do a bit of just friend spooning."

"You sick bastard, oh… well okay, why not?" I always though me and Milhouse could be more than best friends. When I arrive home I realise a red car parked next to my dad's, its Alex's car.

"Bart, how could you?" my mum asks as soon as I walk into my house.

"Mum, she is hot okay? We fuck hot girls,"

"But my special little guy, your special little guy has teeth marks in it," I nearly forgot about that goth chick I did, I didn't think she would actually bite my dick. Sick freaks, it was as close as I got to fuck a vampire but still.

"Mum, the doctor said I can still use my little sour grape maker,"

"Bart, I don't know why you couldn't be more like Lisa, you and your sex fantasies are disgusting,"

"Mum, Lisa is a lesbian, in fact she has been apart of my sex fantasies since I was 16," I see Alex walk down the stairs with Lisa next to her.

"Look I'm really sorry Alex, I was younger and stupid"

"You said it like an hour ago!!" she looks really pissed, maybe she just had her period.

"Ok I am truthfully sorry," The fact is I am, I never realised how much I loved her till I saw her in a grocery story with a miniskirt on.

"Bart, your peepee is up," Dad points and laughs as I can feel the colour in my face starting to rise. Alex rolls her eyes and goes towards the door.

"I… uhh…. Sorry, I love you!!!" She suddenly stops and looks at me.

"Do you really mean that or do you just want to touch my vagina?"

"A bit of both?"

"Bart, grow up,"

"Ok I'll get the Viagra, stop being such a bitch about it, the doctor says I am good to produce some knuckle juice by tomorrow so come see me then, also I don't have Crabs or Lice anymore."

"Stay away from me freak," She gets into her car and drives away. She'll be back, won't she?

A/N: Well it may suck, but it swallows too.


	2. Alex and Bart: Another piece of shit

A/N: I don't see the harm of having a serious and a funny Simpson's funny fanfic at the same time… although this isn't really that funny… it's just "bizarre"

Alex

I can't believe how much better he looks now… but he is still the immature little prick. I wish you would have grown up Bart… why do you refuse to grow up? We could have been perfect together.

"What the hell did you do to my hair?"

"Well it's the trend, I though you wanted a cool hair style,"

"Yeah but I didn't want to look like a fucking emo, dye my hair back to blonde or I will take special measures in making sure you don't ever work in this town again," I hear his mumble something that sounds like "what a bitch" but it's his fault…

"It's a pleasure having you back in town, Miss Whitney," That was obviously a complete lie after I was so mean to the bastard barber. I decide to ignore him complete and go shopping; I haven't been to a Springfield mall since when I moved away. Shelbyville Malls really suck.

After my short shopping spree I seem to be running out of things to do… I decide to visit Lisa… I don't care that Bart is there…

"Hey Lisa, What's up?" I say as I step into the Simpson's home which is always warm and welcoming.

"Uhhh not much really, Bart and Milhouse are kind of stoned…. So ignore them…"

"Stoned?"

"Yeah… they got some lemons last night… ended up sleeping with each other," One thing I didn't need to know.

"Hey Alex, how you doing?" Bart suddenly walks down the stairs, I was afraid he might all down and break his little wiener.

"Uhhh…. I'm fine,"

"Oh yeah me too… want to see my dog, Satan's Little Helper?" He seems less annoying when he is stoned, although I have no idea how that thing… uhhh his dog is still living.

"How do you feed it?"

"I don't… doesn't need food… it's a headless dog… why would it eat food?"

"Oh… that's nice…"

"I am totally sorry for how I acted last night," Like that's believable.

"It's okay Bart,"

"No it's not okay, I mean my little wiener couldn't satisfy you anyways, I shouldn't have attempted to love someone so beautiful, nice and smart," Dam it… why doesn't he shut up… he is making me feel all weird…

"It's fine Bart," I say more demandingly and Bart suddenly collapses.

"Bart??" Marge suddenly runs into the room and attempts to re-awake Bart.

"Seems like his late nights and drug abuse really did him damage,"

"I'll catch you later Lisa, I got to go for a shit," I promptly say before heading back to my mansion attempting to hold in my sudden diarrhoea. My slit let out a little brown penis on my car seat before I rushed to the toilet.

I'm so hardcore I poke till I bleed… its weird how I'm still a virgin. Who am I talking too?

**Bart**

"Oww!!! My head hurts like hell,"

"Well that serves you right for doing so many lemons," My mum yells at me in an aggravated scream.

"Chill out Ma, what you need is a happy meal," McDonalds actually sucks, like a catholic virgin.

"Meh I'm going to go to church, Jessica will be there,"

"But I though you liked Alex,"

"I do… but Jessica is a quick fuck… Lisa won't even give me a blow job unless if there is a female some where near,"

"I will give you one,"

"A blow job from your mum? That's so 21st century and all but I really want Jessica to do it…"

As I walk into the church I hear the chants of Reverend Lovejoy about the devil and shit.

"Yeah Satan Sucks," I scream once his sermon is finally over, he turns and looks at me in annoyance. How can such a hot and naughty girl be related to this old fuck?

"Hey Bart," Says Jessica

"Hey Bitch, want a fuck?" She smiles at me… I think I said it too loud though I think the reverend heard.

"Leave my daughter out of your sexual fantasy and hell bound ways,"

"Your daughter is the reason, she fucked me the first time when I was 12, it was fun too…" I think I gave him a heart-attack because he collapsed.

"Dad?" I knew Jessica hated her father but he kind of looked like he was dead, meh whatever.

"You know what will piss him off? Lets have sex on top of him, were in a church… he will probably kill himself when he awakes." She laughs and takes her bra off while pull my little wiener out. Boy was I right, he was pissed when he woke up.

"Ah fuck me Bart,"

"Take it Anal… Bitch your slit reminds me of someone, the guy were on top of," We both laugh as I ever her more thrusts.

"What are you doing, get off of me," Mr Lovejoy is pissed when he finally gets us off him. However my penis is still in her vagina so I decide to keep thrusting.

"Get off of her…" He suddenly starts laughing at my penis.

"Oh my gosh… are you like 4?" He continues his laugh before he pulls down his pants and reveals a 15 inch penis.

"This is what you call a penis and this is how you fuck a girl," He suddenly grabbed his daughter and inserted his massive penis into his daughter's vagina.

"Bart, take me anal," Jessica finally says. Me and Jessica and her dad enjoy the threesome until we realise we are in a church and it's a public place. Every is watching, most of them with erections.

"Bart?" Dam it… Alex is here….


	3. Bart and Reverend Lovejoy: Help Bart!

**Bart**

"oh ah Alex…. Hi…" The crowd around me had dramatically developed in the last 10 minutes but I didn't think Alex would show up in church. I thought she was an atheist or something, I mean she dresses like a whore.

"You can't do this shit on fanfic!!" She yells at me as I pull my pants up and Reverend Lovejoy does the same.

"I can do whatever I want; I don't care if I don't get any hits at all,"

"Yeah but it's a Simpson fanfic, your acting like its south park or something,"

"Who cares the author owns the Simpsons,"

"No he doesn't," Oh right I forgot he doesn't own the Simpsons and if he did then you wouldn't be reading this shit, you would be watching it on T.V at some ungodly hour.

"Well he owns fanfic at least right?" I sound confused but for good reasons I guess.

"No he doesn't fucking own that, he owns nothing," The author is a fucking loser, why can't he own fanfic or the Simpsons or at least a T.V.

"Ah anyways I got to go," I run out of the church in a brilliant speed, one that deserves a record, mainly cause I'm American and I'm not on steroids. I run to Milhouse's house and collapse on his bed, his eyes were glued on the computer where he was reading about erectile dysfunction.

"What's the matter Bart?"

"I had sex with Jessica and Reverend Lovejoy and Alex saw me,"

"You did what? Reverend Lovejoy? That's sick,"

"No, not like that… he was fucking Jessica so I joined in,"

"Reverend Lovejoy fucking his daughter? Isn't that some sort of sin?"

"Probably, not sure, I haven't actually read the entire bible,"

"oh well, I guess you will just have to settle for casual sex with a hot bitch instead of a meaningful relationship with a sexy bitch,"

"I guess so, but does this mean it was ok for Stalin to murder Germans after World War II because Hitler did it to them first."

"Yeah it was,"

"I wonder if there is a way to win Alex's heart,"

"Meaningful relationships suck anyways, I remember when me and Lisa had one when we were 17, I ended up losing my virginity in a threesome,"

"Hey I was involved in that,"

"And your penis in my ass felt right, that's the fucking problem,"

"Anyways I'm a guy; I don't need love, just an erection and a whore.

**Reverend Lovejoy**

"What do you mean you have taken my license away?"

"Well you where in a church having sex with your daughter and her friend," The Reverend King said to me as I was in a room filled with high priest.

"Yeah but Phil had sex with his son last week,"

"Yeah but you did it with your daughter!"

"What's the difference?"

"Phil's son has a penis," I didn't get why I was being judged for doing my daughter in a church, I mean just look at Satanist, incest is pretty much a daily ritual for those small breast, tiny penis bastards.

"But if I am not a reverend then what will I do?"

"You can be a prostitute for all I care," I wonder if a man in his 40s could be a prostitute and still earn a respectable earning.

"But I thought you guys would be kinder to one of your own," The group of priests laughed at my misery.

"Kinder to you? You got a hot little girl that doesn't ask for pay,"

"What?"

"Well I had sex with her last night and the price for her services was waived," Says the king of priests. How could such a sick minded person be in charge of such a large religion?

"Well, that's just plain sick,"

"You had sex with your daughter,"

"Oh well, I guess if I don't get to be a priest I could return to my old farm and sell bread to the poor children of the world,"

"And if that doesn't work out for you, self-mutilation and make-up" Maybe being an emo wouldn't be so bad. I would have to cut my penis off first but at least I could have an excuse for wearing make-up. I exit the building and leave for Springfield, the town of shattered dreams and cheap booze.

"Hey can I have a dollar please?" Asks a Hobo on the main street of Capital City.

"You're living in capital city and your poor?"

"All of the diplomatic bastards took my money," He picks up his violin and starts playing a song on it, something from shadow of the colossus. I grab his violin and smash it to pieces on the warm curb he is sleeping on.

"You're living in a cardboard box, if I gave you money what are you going to do with it? Buy a wooden box?" I hand the man his violin and started walking to the train station waiting for the first train of Springfield.

"Oh hey I'm Otto, how you fucking doing?" Otto the drugged homosexual walks next to me and takes a seat.

"Otto it's me, Reverend… oh wait… Tim Lovejoy,"

"Your names fucking lovejoy? How fucking retard is that?"

"Well you drive a school bus,"

"I also have a million fucking dollars and 3 bloody girlfriends that give me a blow job for free," I have no idea what he is talking about.

"Tim, you must find a way to help Bart," He changed for annoying drugged asshole to sexy intelligent man very quickly.

"?" I don't know how it was logically possible to say a question mark sign but I did it baby, that's how I roll Homie.

"Woah dude I must be wasted, anyways Bart needs your help, change his life and help him come out of his dark days,"

"Why?"

"Just do it man,"

"But why?"

"I don't write this shit okay?"

"Bart is unworthy of my help,"

"True dude but you got to do it,"

"I don't understand why though,"

"Cause if you don't I'll cut your diddle stick in half,"

"Ok, ok, I'll help the son of a bitch.


	4. Reverend Lovejoy: Maybe not just Bart

Reverend Lovejoy

"Hey Bart, be good,"

"Uhhh…. What?"

"I don't know… I was just suppose to come down here and say be good, change your life and stop being just a typical teenager, gosh drugs, sex and porn get you no where, just look at your father,"

"You're weird," He closes the door tightly and I am forced to stare at a door that looks like it's been raped too many times.

"Well, I failed at that," I think to myself as I head home. When I enter my home I see my wife and my daughter having lesbian sex.

"Damn it, what have we become?"

"What honey… awwh yeah Jessica,"

"We have been sinful and twisted…. Don't you think we are going to go to hell if we continue doing this?"

"Daddy, hell isn't real… mummy, mummy, MUMMY!!!!!!!!" I ignore the sweet sounds their voices make and go to my bedroom. I can't help but to think what has become of this happy little town. A decade ago it was a happy town without the use of drugs, sex and sins. Now every corner of every street has a drug dealer, 10 yr old prostitute and a bible burning fire.

Everything has changed since the Burn's years as Mayor, after that the town became more sinful than Harry Potter. Oh beautiful Harry, what will happen now that you're tied down to Gina… or so I have heard? I haven't actually read the new book and I feel ashamed about that.

During the Burn's years the laws were totally changed which set the basis for the Moe years and soon their will be a new Mayor and without laws what is going to happened to this town? Are we all doomed for hell? Why was I too blind to see the truth?

-

The nightmares had awaken me up but I realised it was already pretty late.

"Honey, why didn't you tell me it was 6 am?" I ask as I walk into the kitchen and see that my family has already started to clean up.

"You looked so peaceful when you were sleeping and when your dead,"

"What?"

"I dunno, here's your breakfast," I see the food my precious harlot had cooked and decide to scoff it down. The church had been attend so regularly by people but no one seemed to take it seriously, it's more a place where you go to after you sin and ask for forgiveness before you go and commit another sin.

As I step out of the house I am automatic embraced by the warm and loving sun but at the same time my eyes are blasted with visions of evil. A 10 yr old drug dealer was having sex with his 8 yr old prostitute while selling her drugs. And my eyes and ears were filled with the dark and distorted sounds of horrible beautiful hardcore sex.

I run to the church too see a gang of punks spraying graffiti, I enter the church too see a common orgy of sex and people gathering around to watch and masturbate or sometimes join in. The holy water has been urinated in and everything is wrong. I had turned my back against God and I did the only thing that I could do properly. I walked to alter, dropped on my knees and started praying. I prayed for my sins, for their sins, for a solution and so much more.

In the darkness of the church I saw a bright light and a voice spoke to me.

"Reverend Lovejoy, you must change this town, you're the only that can, you and your followers,"

"What followers? Are you God?"

"You will find followers… Am I God? Well I might be or you might just be experiencing good old psychosis," The voice fades and I was still lost and confused on what I could do and what followers I could possibly find.

"Reverend Lovejoy?" A voice who I have only heard too often rings in my ears. A man that was so religious that it drove me nuts but he ended moving as soon as Burns was Mayor and created sick and demented laws and rules that do not comply with religion.

"Flanders… your back?" I stare at what's probably the most holy family ever to live in Springfield. The boys have grown into young men that look as kind and honest as a younger me.

"Yeah…."

"Great you got to help me for once…."

"Ok, what do you need reverenido?"

"I need you to help me make this a good, noble, religious town once again,"


	5. Alex and Bart II: Another assistant!

-1**Bart**

"Okay Jessica, that's enough, get off my dick, I said get off bitch,"

"Oh I'm sorry Bart, it's just my dad has gotten really strict, I'm having sex withdrawal symptoms," No idea what sex withdrawal symptoms are but I got a hot bitch wanting to fuck me… why am I complaining? I mean it was rare that she was on top of me, playing with my penis in a violent way but it's not like I didn't like it like that.

"well in that case keep fucking me just don't hurt my pebble," She looked sad, it wasn't her usually happy self and that bothered me. I pushed her off of me and threw away the condom that was starting to leak sperm onto my sheets.

"Are you okay Jess?"

"It's just my dad has been getting stricter and has been enforcing the bible and it's rules,"

"I see… and?"

"Well I just wonder if hell is real, I wonder if all the things in the bible are real… I wonder if I'm going to hell," The last bit she said had a more sorrowful tone than I have ever her put on before. Jessica is pretty, even if she is no Alex but I always thought of her as a slut that you can fuck without bothering to have a relationship with. No I'm seeing her more as… a friend…. I wish I could do shit like this with Alex.

"Too be honest, I think you might be going somewhere…. Maybe your right,"

"Really?"

"Yeah… this town has fallen into so much sin in the past few years it's unimaginable… till it happened of cause,"

"You know Bart, you not as stupid as you always look and acted," We both get dressed, I don't even help her do up her bra. I wonder if it's true that God forgives all, this town has sinned so much and if the bible isn't another fiction book then I don't want to see my friends and family in hell… except Lisa. Jessica lets herself out as I wonder if this is the end of my erotic adventures with countless amounts of woman. My cell phone suddenly rings and I see that it is Ned Flanders. He still has my number? But why… he doesn't even live in Springfield anymore.

"Hello…"

"Oh hey Bart and a top of the morning to yah…"

"Uhh it's like 5 in the afternoon,"

"So it is. Anyways, tell your papa to contact me, I haven't been able to get a hold of him and for some reason you phone is engaged,"

"Oh… we only got dial up and Maggie is on the computer all the time,"

"I see, well me and my family want to pop in some time this week,"

"Your in Springfield?"

"Yesarino," We got to move, we need to hide for the time being… I hope there is enough food in the bomb shelter.

**Alex**

The thoughts I'm having… they are so impure. I am one of the less sinful people in this town but my dreams, my thoughts… they are all sick. I dreamt of touching and holding him again but he such a demon spore I don't think I could ever do it if I'm not willing to have my rip heart broken into a million pieces. But in another frame of mind I could get fucked into a million pieces. I bet that's how it would feel to have the rough manliness of Bart Simpson on top of me pounding and ripping at my breasts. Touching and fingering all the holes a girl has. His hard rock body gripping me tightly while thrusting violently. His sweet lips forcing mine open while our tongues fight like too vicious snakes.

"Reverend, I am sorry but I am finding it ever harder to live in this town with it's vulgarism,"

"I see Alex, I too have to admit I was tempted into sins, Satan's is nice and tempting, even the strongest of men give in to temptations that are offered in this town but unless if you want to go to hell you must change. I have changed and I plan to make the town a better place, I am done with having threesomes with my wife and daughter. My acts of adultery have left me feeling shallow and I don't care that my wife told me too do it and that she is perfectly ok with it,"

"Mr Lovejoy, I want to help change the town, I want to help change Bart.."

"Come again? Did you say change Bart?"

"No…I said change Mart, I meant the Q-wikee Mart, it's become quiet sinful in it's products,"

"Yes it has… Extra-thin condoms, you weren't so useful when you broke into pieces and I inserted sperm into my darling daughter,"

"Right…."

"Well I'm busy, I got a lot of work too do, I am temporarily closing the church so here's my home number,"

"Your closing the church? You can't close the house of God,"

"I know it's wrong, but I can't have the house of God exposed to the raw sex and drugs. Plus I need to get the graffiti off of the walls and fix some things that ruthless people have broken,"

"Oh… okay," Reverend Lovejoy looks a little worn out, his pretty jet black hair had hints of gray. He was seemingly fading into a stressful insane person. If he continues with all this pressure than I'm sure he will develop some kind of mental illness. I hope it's Bipolar or schizophrenia.

"Hey Mr Lovejoy, do you mind if I help you out?"

"….?"

"I mean you look really stressed out and I want to cleanse the town of it's sin,"

"You are a really sweet and innocent girl but I already got the Flanders' help. Although I don't see how an extra hand could do any harm,"

"Yay!! Well thank you!" I walk out of the room and enter the church. Mr Lovejoy was right, it's a mess… people in broad daylight are doing illegal drugs, having kinky sex and listening to Britney Spears. This town is evil, way too evil.


	6. Alex: A reopening!

-1**Alex**

"Ok, firstly I would like you all to preach the word of god, try to stop sin whenever you can, also I would like you too deliver these fliers,"

"What are they for?" Ned Flanders asks the Reverend in wonder.

"The grand reopening of the church in a month, going to make sure it becomes a religious temple once again," Reverend Lovejoy said in an excited tone. I obey his instruction and start walking to the house I want a reason to walk too. I want to see one of my best friends again, I want to see Lisa and I want to see Bart again. I have to see Bart again!!!

"Hello, oh Alex what do you want?" Bart opens the door and gestures me in.

"I want to talk to you about the reopening of the church," He takes a seat on the couch and I can't help but feel myself go red a little. I have feelings for this asshole… I can't believe it…

"Don't stand forever, take a seat," I do what he says and swallow a bunch of saliva before I start talking again.

"Bart, you got to quit sinning, getting stoned on lemons, having sex with numerous girls…. Your only 19 for fucks sake… I don't want you to go to hell,"

"Woah, Woah, I know your just as bad as me,"

"I changed, this town is filthy, you got to listen to Reverend Lovejoy, he is trying to help the town"

"Reverend Lovejoy? The only thing good about that family is Jessica and her sexual presents,"

"Bart, listen to yourself talk… your so fucking sick…" I scream the last part at him till he winces.

"Why do you care if I go to hell anyways? Last time I talked to you, you hated me… badly too," I look deep into his eyes, his beautiful eyes and I just feel so tempted to hold him. Too fulfil my sick desires but I can't… it's wrong.

"Bart… I don't know why… but I like you, I can't stop thinking about you…how I want to hold you," I didn't get to continue has he put his arms around me and stuck his tongue deep into my throat. He rubbed his hand across my leg and I didn't resist. This is so wrong but this is what I want. His leg rubs gently against mine and I can't help but not stop him.

"Bart this is so wrong,"

"But… this is what I wanted to do since I saw you again… I.." he lets go of me and I gently wraps his arms around me. I couldn't help but want this, it was so good but I wanted to see what he could do to me, where he could take me mentally.

"I been thinking Alex, maybe it's time I stop doing this shit and start a meaningful relationship," As he says that his headless dog comes and jumps on it, waving it's tail in a cute way. I can't help but get another taste of Bart, I put my mouth onto his and wrap my tongue around his.

"Metal licking good," Says Bart but he has a remorseful look on his face.

"Bart, would you please think about being at the reopening of the church next month, first Sunday of the month,"

"I'll think about it,"


	7. Bart II: Remorse

-1Bart

"What did you call me over for Bart? You sick of jacking off and want some real sex again?" Jessica asks as he takes a place on my bed next to me.

"No, I just been thinking about what Alex said… what your dad said,"

"My dad is just becoming old, soon not even my mum would want his dried up balls,"

"But Jessica, what if hell is real, I know there is no proof and all logical disproves it but what if it is real,"

"Well then I can't wait to have sex with Hitler and Gandi,"

"you really think Gandi would be in hell Jessica?"

"yeah!"

"I mean the torture of a damned soul, we will be trapped in fire for all eternity, drowning in our own screams for escape,"

"Awh you just need a good fuck," she says as she gets on my knees and starts lifting her shirt.

"No stop Jessica, don't you see, we are going to go to hell!!! Please be at the reopening, please I love you as a friend and I don't want you go to hell,"

"The only reason you love me as a friend is cause I screw your tiny penis,"

"no, cause I have learnt that friendship isn't about sex or doing drugs together, it's about having fun and having people to rely on,"

"Sex and drugs are the most fun thing,"

"True Jess but when a friend tries help you… you have no choice but to say….?"

"I'll think about it, well see ya," Awh weak, that didn't go as planned. I walk into Lisa's room, maybe I should have knocked first, she is having sex with her friend Alison.

"awh sorry,"

"It's okay Bart, you can come in," Says Alison in a cute way. I can't believe she turned out to be a dyke, I mean Lisa was expected but Alison too?

"listen I been thinking, maybe we have gone to far, since the Burns era this town has fallen into to sin, for god's sake there are 8 yr olds dealing drugs and fucking their grandparents," They are only semi listening as they are having a fun root. Once they are done and redress then I have their full attention.

"But Bart, you know that God isn't real,"

"But what if it is Alison?"

"it isn't Bart, the universe was the result of the big bang not some guy that could bored and decided to make us,"

"Awh all I hear from you smart people is the big bang created Earth, I have to admit I never believed in it or God, how stupid is it to think the universe just exploded into existence and is expanding and one day will collapse on itself."

"Is it anymore stupid than God created Adam and Eve who bore children and then their children have incest sex to populate the world or budda sitting under a tree for 20 years. I think budda needed a girlfriend," I have to admit that incest is a sin and that's how the world was populated and budda really needed to get laid but now I'm starting to think that this world needs religion, even if it's fake.

"it's way more stupid than that,"

"Look religion is the cause of so much violence, look around the world, the history, War was caused by religion and later by money."

"But without religion we go to far, nothing is sacred and the moral levels of society start to decrease,"

"touché," Lisa and Alison say in unison.

"Come on guys, we got to get in touch with God, stop the world for sin. Murder is okay now, children having sex is legal, drugs are our global policy."

"Your right Bart, how did I get such a smart brother?"

"well in my youth I had a great teacher,"

"Thanks Bart," She said by hugging me, it was a little eerie that she had just been poking Alison and now she touched me but who really gives a fuck. She thought I was talking about her but I was really talking about T.V.

Reverend Lovejoy

"Okay Reverend, we got to have to talk a lot about hell, you know guilt trip everyone about their sins,"

"Well duh Alex,"

"well I mean… I was just reminding you,"

"Yeah thanks for that,"


	8. Reverend Lovejoy II: The grand reopening

-1Reverend Lovejoy

"Look honey, this is my big night, I need your support, I need both of your support," I plead with my family who look day dreamingly at the T.V.

"Look Tim, God never brought me any of pleasures of life before, we had to do it ourselves through his restrictions, so called sin…" Helen explained.

"But honey, me and you have been together for what… 30 years? All I have ever asked for is your support," Helen stares deep into my eyes, judging me in a way she only does.

"Ok honey I'll be there,"

"That's great, what about you, are you still daddy's little girl?"

"Dad… don't make me choose between sin and you,"

"It's precisely what I'm asking," I say to her and she looks at me angry, angry that I had made her choose.

"I'm sorry dad,"

"Jessica, I love you, I don't want you to go to hell,"

"dad…." She said before running up the stairs.

"Don't worry about her, look at my handsome darling, that suit is kind of sexy," Says Helen putting her arms around me, stroking my face was her smooth hands.

"Helen, please I have only 20 minutes to be down there, lets get going," I say as we exit our house. I glance at my daughter's window, her eyes are glued in the direction of the church. She looks down at me after a while, I can't help but wave but she doesn't do reply. Her eyes are stone cold.

We drive towards the church, already there seems to be some cars in the car park. As I enter the back room of the church I see my helpers all ready. Alex and Bart were chatting away, the Flanders were praying and Lisa and Allison were reading the bible.

"You guys ready?" I ask them as they look up, apparently they only realised me and Helen walked in. Time quickly passes by and I find myself standing in front of a crowd.

"This town has fallen into sin, God is our shelter and refugee if we do not believe in him then we are due for hell, burning screaming, trapped forever. All sinners dying over and over again, the most miserable place where Satan will be your rule of pain and misery." I shall as certain town folk pay attention.

"What proof is there of this God?"

"If incest is wrong then who did Adam and Eve's child fuck to populate the world?"

"How could the big bang be wrong?"

There questions leave me in silence, I didn't expect that. I start to read scriptures about hell and quickly let Alex take the stage.

"Okay I know that some of you are against religion, don't believe in a God but does that really matter in a moment like this?" Alex starts….

"This society has gone wrong with their sins, darkness has embellished our tiny, joyful town. Parents having sex with children, children selling drugs and there are no limitations to what is wrong,"

"Those things give us pleasure,"

"Pleasure maybe but, we have gone to far, we are ruining our chances of going forward. The bible is filled with stories, stories that if we live our day by then we will be deceit people, maybe there is no heaven, but we could make this place our own heaven, letting kids grow up without drugs, alcohol and sex. Adults working instead of doing drugs…. A clean world with no naughty things, at least a limit to the bad stuff,"

"Yeah she is right!!" Half of the crowd start cheering. Suddenly the door bursts open and Mr Burns and his former employee walk into to the church. Everyone is in silence as he walks into the room.

"Good speech little girl,"

"The devil worshipping old bastard," Bart says as he walks to the stage as well.

"Bart Simpson, you are supporting them?"

"Of cause, this town has gone to far,"

"There isn't a town in the history of the world that has gone to far, our desires allow us to live in a society filled with freedom." I decided to take a stand and defend what is right.

"Freedom is a great thing but no one in this world is capable of having complete freedom and not abusing it, you have sold our society short,"

"Well, Well that might be so but who is going to stop my laws?"

"Your not mayor anymore old man,"

"That might be true but senator Waylon is in for election, no opposing side so in 4 months time he shall be Mayor and my laws in placed for ever, see I never realised something in my years, my laws have been place for renew every 4 years for 50 years but we have found a loop hole in the town's law. We can make our rules stand for ever, never to be destroy just like the bill of rights,"

"Well, he isn't going to be Mayor, I am!!!" I say at him and instantly the town seemed split, some cheering for me, more cheering for Smithers.


	9. Reverend Lovejoy III: Suicide!

-1Reverend Lovejoy

I hold my Helen tightly as we watch T.V, but my mind is on Jessica. What is going on with her? She has locked herself in her room, she hasn't come out once… not even to eat. It's been like that for a week, ever since the reopening of the church.

"you know sweetie, you ever think about our daughter?" I ask Helen before realising how stupid of a question it is.

"of cause,"

"I meant… like how she is growing up and stuff, what if she is trapped in our house forever, living a life of sin and stuff,"

"Yeah that will happen the day you and professor Frink team up too defend the world from criminals in a little group called Crime Fighters inc," She says with a laugh.

"Honey, I'm serious,"

"I'm sure, she will be fine." I hold her tighter, and give her a little kiss on the neck. Before I know it, I am on top of her, passionately kissing her. I can't do this, not right now with all the sin in this town, it's my job to stop it… I decide to stop, and rest on top of her.

"What's the matter?"

"It's just, I been thinking, I have done some things wrong myself, am I really the right person to try and stop all this sin, for god's sake I allowed you to sleep with our daughter will I jacked off in the corner with a camera."

"yeah, that was a great family video,"

"but don't you see the point, it was all sin…" I get off of my beautiful wife and decide to switch on the T.V.

"yes, that's the deal Kent, the reverend has decided to run for mayor but it's unlikely that he will have many supports as much of the town folk are standing outside the church and burning posters of him along with the bible,"

"Jesus," Helen says.

"yeah… Jesus," I say looking at the scene the young reporter Martin Price was reporting.

"I can't safely assure you that Smithers is the right choice," Martin concludes as Helen decides to turn off the T.V.

"Don't listen to them, you are the best choice… I have never regretted it," Helen says sheepishly with a smile.

"you know Helen, your always right but maybe not this time," I say as I make my way to the stairs.

"Jessica honey, Jessica!!" I knock on her door with no response.

"That's it young lady I'm coming in," I made sure all the locks in the house had keys. I open the door and there is Jessica lying on the bed. I walk into the room and see a sharp blade covered in blood. Fresh Blood… oh no what happened.

"Helen!!!" I scream as I observe Jessica lifeless lying on the bed, a needle next to her, obviously for heroin and a note.

_Dad I'm sorry I couldn't be religious like you wanted me to be. I don't want to live in this life of sin and I don't want to disappoint you any further. I know suicide is the biggest sin but I can't stand to look at myself anymore, I always wanted a father but all I ever had was a dad. See you were always to busy to pay attention to me so I fell in a spiral of dark depression and the only way to combat that was a life of sin, to lift the load off of me. Please forgive me._

"oh my god!!!" screamed Helen at the sight of Jessica. She killed herself because of me. I ring the ambulance and they come as fast as they could.

"I'm sorry but your daughter is dead," Helen started crying and so did I.

"did I say dead, I'm sorry I meant resting," The doctor says with a laugh.

"she is okay?"

"she has a very, very weak pulse, at around 7, she has a 5 chance of living,"

"oh God!!!" Helen says as she enters the room.

"he isn't real," I hear Dr Hibbert say distantly.

"please Jessica, if you awake I promise I will spend time with you, I'll even let this town rot in sin," I say to her as she lies lifeless, attached to all those machines and not saying a word.

"please Jessica, I love you!" still lifeless as one of the machines start to beep. It was the heart rate monitor and I know what that means, I think we all do.


	10. Reverend Lovejoy and Bart II: I'm dirty!

Reverend Lovejoy

Reverend Lovejoy

"This is a savage hypocrisy, liberty has been enjoyed by all but all have taken it too far." I say as half the crowd boo and the other half cheer. Me and Waylon are equal, this is something I didn't expect. There isn't even a little advantage any where that I could see.

"Well that's fair enough Reverend but can't you say that you haven't enjoyed the republican rule over you?" I have to admit that Burn's laws at first annoyed me but I ended up enjoying it more than anyone.

"I have sinned, as all of you have but I'm prepared to change and I want to save your souls from totally damnation."

"That is good and all but I would like to ask some questions now." Ned says a little annoyed, he was monitoring this debate and even though it was sponsored by Fox we were all waiting for some questions.

"Firstly, what impact do you think you would have on Springfield if you were elected Waylon Smithers?"

"Well I wouldn't need to have any impact, my boss has ensured that the town's folk have what they want, when they want."

"That is a load of devil's crap. I am all for freedom but I think the boundaries have been pushed too far." The town was evenly matched and the debate couldn't go further cause the town broke into riot. It was like a sex pistols concert or something with all the destruction.

"Hey this is so your fault." Waylon says as we run out the back leaving the town to destroy each other like two lightning bolts and a freak tsunami.

"It was not." I say a little annoyed.

"Your such a stupid little twat."

"Well you were a republican."

"So was Abraham Lincoln."

"Well that's the only good republican president."

"What about Ronald Regan?"

"Ok two…"

"And how about…"

"Oh shut up you. Democrats are better because we don't promote useless wars." That was end of the stupid political shit, we decided to go out for a coffee and a drink after wards.

"You know, I never hated what Burns did to our town." I say drunk.

"No, no your right… we went to far." He says as he starts masturbating in a bar with 7 or 8 other guys watching.

"Hey, it's a free town… enjoy it while it lasts." I couldn't help but take a photo of this on my phone.

**Bart**

"Everyone is too fucking political," I tell Alex. Damn she looks so fine I could kill her.

"Well as long as democrats win…" She replies.

"What the fuck is a democrat?" I ask.

"Oh… k…." She replies almost as if I'm stupid or something. I don't know what we are suppose to do to help the Rev. We could shoot some polar bears or something but I don't know how that could help. Maybe the polar bears will vote republican, it will help then.

"I'm so lonely, that's okay shave my crotch." Milhouse says walking near us.

"Uhh ok." I say as he pulls down his pants and I start shaving his nuts.

"Not so hard Bart." He replies.

"Man, you haven't touched this shit in ages, I can't even see your penis."

"Well I wanted to go for the 70s porn star look."

"Wow your penis is really small, I love a small penis… how can I make it longer?" Alex says.

"Well mine is small."

"Threesome?" Milhouse asks and we nod. I wonder if this is hypocritical cause we are kind of trying to stop this shit. I don't really care Alex is hot and I get the front hopefully.


	11. Reverend Lovejoy IV: Some win, some lose

Reverend Lovejoy

A/N: I know this fic is a lot of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors but that's because I like to add to the humour of the whole thing by not proof reading it. This fic in my opinion is an attack on fics that are written about fags that can't joke a little and have to proof read everything 700 times even though their ideas are super lame. I haven't come across many like that but… Well Anon puts it best I think, a war between what's right and what's funny… although I don't think this fic is that funny anyways.

Reverend Lovejoy.

The votes are in… oh my gosh my heart is beating like Bart's hand.

"The winner of the stupid political election is…. The gay liberal fags."

"YES! YES! YES!" I won, I fucking won!!

"Hey Jessica, daddy won… now you don't need my penis inside of you." I say proudly that I got to bang that thing.

"Daddy, I've realised something… if you are truly a liberal then you will allow Mr Burn's laws to stay in place, their should be limits sure but being a liberal means you accept freedom beyond that of anything else. You should allow this town to live how they want to, whether they are wrong or right for that is a true democratic society."

"Jessica… stop watching south park." I say firmly as the democrat supporters cheer and laugh.

"Ok, everyone get pissed and have fun doing adultery, you 2 year olds got enough crack there?" I ask happily walking through the crowd of people.

"Dad… what are you doing? You have become what you hated…. Well at least what you hated as soon as you become a candidate."

"I know, but I decided to get really, really stoned in case if I lost." I didn't want to be sad if I lost, I wanted to be stoned.

"This is a war on freedom to be stupid." Bart says, obviously pissed.

"Hey, I don't know what we are so whiney about Jessica, 5 minutes ago you ever a speech about liberals and now your telling me I'm what I hate." Jessica thought about it for a second.

"Bart, I'm assigning you as foreign minister."

"That's cool, I'm sure I can make peace with Cuba." Bart says with a smirk before passing out.

"Jessica, you know I love you…. Right?"

"Dad, anyone dad that has enough love for his daughter to fuck her in the way you do…" I had to cut her off.

"Well I want you to be in charge of defence."

"We have an army?"

"Yeah, our army consists of Homer and Satan's little helper." I say with a smirk. I mean it wasn't much but if someone was to invade us we would throw Homer at the enemies and run for our lives.

"Jessica, you realised when you were two I inserted my penis inside of you for the first time, you were so cute clinging onto it. It squirted you in the face and you laughed, good times… that wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Burns…."

"So you going to change the laws?"

"Some I have to, I can't stand to see 2 yrs selling crack and pimping. It's not right you now, some rules need to be changed and whether the town will like the change doesn't matter because I have the power. And if you got a problem with that I'm going to cut off your head and shove it so far up your ass that you will shit brains and flesh."

"Wow, that's possibly the longest thing you have said in a while."

"I know, I literally got a monkey on my ass." I pat it off and feed it my pet gerbil. I kill it, cook it and feed it to my friends of the liberal party. It was time for a celebration and I'll be damned if I don't celebrate destroying the right wing fuck heads. Right wing broken, plane crashes cause 911… because the right wing is broken like I stated before.

I walk home to see my darling Helen in a sexy pig costume.

"I have a new job," She said telling me all about her job for KFC where she will pose as a pig. Wouldn't it make more sense to have her dress up as a chicken?

"Well I'm pissed, my dick is erect and Jessica is out…" I jump on top of her and start thrusting. I completely miss her vagina and am too pissed to realise that I'm banging the T.V.

"Whoops, oh well… I was going to buy a plasma screen anyways." I continue fucking the T.V.

"You know what time friends will be on? Rachel and Monica are so fucking hot that I would fuck them… well in some episodes, Courtney Cox's you are so hot… on that show… I always wondered if her name was supposed to be Courtney's cocks." Helen looked at me surprised.

"You have been drinking honey?"

"I said I was pissed…"

"Oh I thought you were angry."


	12. It is a happy ending

8 years later

_8 years later_

"Hey, so good you could come." Bart says with a smile.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Mayor Lovejoy says with a smirk. His time as mayor was nearly over but he had changed the town a lot. There was a dramatic drop in sex, drugs and crimes of that nature while there was an amusing increase in violent activity from gangs.

"You know, I can't believe you're a lawyer now." Reverend Lovejoy said with a smile. Bart had dropped out of his political position when he realised that other countries suck and stuff.

"It was a lot of hard work, I wasted so much time on it." Bart replied.

"I can't believe the day is finally here." Jessica said smiling. She was one of the few town folk that still did drugs regularly and had sex with anyone that need it. She considered herself a friend to whom that can't get laid.

"Well Bart is great so it was going to happen sooner or later." Alex said with a smirk. It was the wedding day of Bart and Alex and the town were too busy eating and talking to give a shit.

They walked up the isle like a happy couple, got married and instantly got to work on making a baby, they didn't care half the town was watching.

"Boy, you're meant to put the penis in her mouth first." Homer said.

"Her vaginal is more fun." Bart replied thrusting. The whole town was cheering.

"Helen, you know maybe we should have another baby." Reverend Lovejoy said with a smirk.

"No way, after Jessica I swore I would never have a child." Helen replied.

"Hey, everybody… let's go kill some republicans and communist before my reign is over." Everybody cheers to that as they all run out and kill Waylon Smithers, dig up Mr Burns and burn his body.

"Burn Burns, Burn." They all sing in approval. Professor Frink leaves Springfield to join Crime Fighters Inc. That is another story, although no one really gives a fuck. Bart had one piece of advice for Jessica before he got married.

"If you fly up on clouds make sure you play with your circumference." Why that was added, no one knows.

"Hey town bang!" Lenny screams as they all take their clothes off and start fucking.

"Hey I think I'm having sex with my tavern." Moe says with a smirk. His penis was rather large, 7ft long and it had no problem destroying the tavern with its ejaculation. Suddenly there is a giant squirrel rabbit pig that walks into Springfield, it is 14 ft tall.

"Hey, can I join the party?" The beast of sexiness asks.

"Sure," Jessica says inserting his tail in her vaginal.

"Oh yeah, that's good baby, just play with my tail like that." The giant squirrel rabbit pig or SRB squeaks as Jessica slowly plays with the cute tail.

"Shove that pet gerbil up my ass," Carl screams as Lenny pushes it harder and harder. There is a moral to this story I just forget what it is. Oh wait, the moral is… when a town has a Mayor it totally sucks ass, countries with governments suck and everyone should kill the government. Oh yeah you should all be atheist.

"Kill God yeah!" Ned Flanders screams.

"No, I mean just don't believe in him… not kill him." I say.

"Oh… same thing." Ok, scratch that… everyone should become a Muslim, can you imagine 6 billion suicide bombers?

If you have enjoyed this story, then please start jacking off to the words. I mean words like I, squirrel rabbit, shit… they are perfect words to jack off to. If you want, you can marry this story. It will be fun, we will kill you and then lie about it and then you will be off the hook because we use a racial slur to much. That's what happened to O.J, did I have told you that he is Homer's uncle?

If you haven't realised it yet, this is the final chapter and I want to thank so people. Jesus, I mean I know you don't like this fic it meant a lot to me you read it man, you totally kick ass but you kind of died in a lame way. Mohammad, yeah dude… I know you got trouble reading English and stuff but look, it doesn't matter… go fuck one of your seven wives and it will be okay. Uhh Buddha, listen fat man, I don't want any more hate mail from you ok? I have read enough shit about nirvana on their band page and I don't need too meanings to the word. Reverend Lovejoy, I think you're a very hot chick… Hilary Duff hot in fact, if that freaks you out since I haven't met you in real life and chances are I never will then never mind all the secret pictures I took of you in the shower…. Those were for medical use. Anon, your pretty cool for reviewing, I personally want to kill you but thanks for the reviews.

"Hey man, you have been blabbing on about shit for the last 20 minutes." Bart says.

"Wow… 20 minutes, you're a slower reader aren't you?"

"I have dyslexia…"

"And you're a lawyer?" Anyways the town had never been better since Mayor Lovejoy's reign of blood… uhh I meant glory. I really hope no one was offended by this fic and if you are, your pretty much a pussy.

"Oh it's ok, you can't really write for shit and you don't even check your work in this fic. I mean, you really should have stuck with another 12 chapters of Bartman." Bart says with a smirk.

"Does anyone still read that?" I ask.

"No, I think they all stopped at chapter 2, admit it… your not that great of a writer, I mean that Reverend Lovejoy, the last temptation of Timothy Lovejoy beats all of your fics combined."

"Well what about my south park fics?"

"Those suck two, I mean that no escape one is pretty out of it but it too sucks."

"Well I still want to be an author." The whole town starts laughing.

"Stop dreaming, you would be better as a drug dealer." Homer says with a smirk. Maybe he is right, I should start dealing… I mean I would probably smoke all the pot, snort all the cocaine and inject myself with all the heroin but I sell anything but it wouldn't be a bad job.


End file.
